I’m Not Romantic and You Shouldn’t Be Either

You Have My Heart, Sweet Valentine Love

Ok, so the title is really just to outrage people just enough to read the article, but not enough to turn y’all off completely from reading it.  The truth is I don’t care if you are romantic.  I’m sure there are people left in this world that follow the clichés of candle lit dinners and roses or whatever it is you romantic people consider romantic.

I, however, am not romantic.  I want to be, but the truth is I’m not and have never really been a romantic person.  It’s just not who I am.  But I have been wondering as of late how many of us would truly be romantic people if not for movies.  I bring this up because my anniversary happens to be around the same time as a very romantic, but, in my opinion, silly holiday.  Each year I see yet another Nicolas Sparks novel get turned into some ridiculous movie that I will never see and am reminded that I am the anti-cupid.  I am the girl who wants to smack other girls on Facebook for posting how in love with their significant other they are.  I’m sure you are, but I don’t care, and I definitely don’t want to hear about it.  I think I just vomited a little in my mouth just thinking about it.

But, the reason I get to wondering about romantic people this time of year is because I was raised on Disney movies too.  I was raised on Cinderella meeting her prince, or, if you are more my style, Sleeping Beauty meeting Prince Phillip and laughing at him in the forest, but THEN being rescued by him.  But true romantic movies?  I actually cringe in my seat when I watch them.  Physically cringe.

It’s no wonder men have unlivable standards and our divorce rate is so high.  I would want to divorce my husband too if he wasn’t living up to the insane standards of these romantic, gushy movies.  Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely DO NOT lump romantic COMEDIES in with this.  I like it when I can make fun of someone and want them to fall in love at the same time.  That is much more like real life.

What is not real life is the plot of every romantic movie ever: Boy meets girl.  Boy and/or girl fail to tell each other something super important about themselves.  Doesn’t matter if it’s the serial killer ex who will kill them both if he only knew where she lived or the girl at the office that has the hots for him; there is always something.  Enter conflict and/or painfully dumb misunderstanding.  Cue angry, belligerent fight that would be easily ended if one or both yelled “shut up!” and then explained in a rational manner what was really happening.   Now watch as both fall emotionally apart, because true love should be both painful and leave you suicidal, and then watch as they find themselves and thus, each other and live happily ever after.  Now, were this real life, I would be telling both of them to run for the hills from this utterly dysfunctional relationship.

The problem is, boy meets girl, both divulge in an honest manner their past and spend the next few months fostering a loving relationship through open communication and trust, doesn’t make for a good movie.  Sadly, we have begun to mistake weepy dramas about absurdly dysfunctional relationships for how real life is supposed to be.

I’m not a romantic person and I do get why some romantic movies are great.  I loved the Notebook for example.  But what I don’t get is romanticizing conflict and then telling the world that if he really loved you, he would fight for you through your insane bullshit, lack of trust and general craziness.  Or telling women that if he was a real man, he would say perfect things about how much he loves you, while opening the car door for you, then driving you to the date of your dreams because he really was listening to you and was definitely NOT falling asleep while you were blabbing on and on about your romantic ideal. * cough * Win a Date with Tad Hamilton * cough cough *  You do not have 11 smiles and I might slit my throat if I have to sit through that stupid ass scene again.

So let’s get real.  Men aren’t great at saying what they feel; my husband can barely tell me what he really means.  Once he was trying to say something nice to me before bed and it came out, “Oh, well, I don’t really notice that much,” when referencing my comment about having been wearing a sports bra every day for the last week.  See?  That was the well placed romantic compliment I’ve always dreamed of.  No?  Oh, right, because I married a man who doesn’t have a team of writers behind him.   And girls?  Men like mystery, but they still want to know about your homicidal exes, any mental disorders you might have, and whether or not you are secretly a competitive eater.  Kills the romance, but your happy and healthy relationship will thank me later.

photo by: Pink Sherbet Photography

About A Girl

A Girl is a 20 something blogger who began blogging in 2008 as a means of coping with a deployment. She is a Veterinary Technician by trade and loves her work in Emergency and Critical Care. She is married to a 11 year veteran of the USMC reserves, whom she meet shortly after he returned from a deployment. They have been married for four years, have three, very bratty dogs, and are currently trying to muddle through the aftermath of a difficult deployment for both.

13 thoughts on “I’m Not Romantic and You Shouldn’t Be Either

  1. THANK YOU for posting this. I have a constant struggle in my head between wanting my boyfriend and I to do more “romantic” things and then realizing that whenever we do them, they’re usually just lame and expensive. I’d much rather spend our time drinking and snowboarding, then going home and watching bad TV while we clip our toenails in front of each other because that’s really what I think love is. I see people doing “romantic” things that look even more “romantic” because they’ve Instagrammed the crap out of the picture to make it look like something in a magazine or at an art show, and sometimes I get wistful and/or jealous. Then once I’m a party to the “romantic” activity, I never end up feeling the way I felt when I watched the same thing happen in a movie so I need to constantly keep myself in check.

    Cheers to you, me, and any other person who is sick of commercialized romance, movies setting unrealistic standards and expectations. Great article!

  2. Funny article. I’m not a fan of Valentines day much either because I was married for several years to a man who was outwardly romantic (for show) with the flowers and candy, but was actually abusive and was used Valentine’s day as a way to prove he wasn’t. Twisted. Anyway following form the Aloha blog hop.
    Janet recently posted…That Was EasyMy Profile

    • Ok good start…don’t approve of wasting time and electric bill watching EVER “the notebook” cause tho I’m not a brainiac (I don’t even hold a community college degree for “your Gods” sake) I DO (if only?) have/had a brain…for starters (sorry LA media brainwashed ppl) that dude, main character, “actor” is NOT hot! Big forehead for someone so young (going bald soon? Nothing against baldies, whatever rings your bell, unfortunately doesn’t ring mine,not even w brand new batteries in my turbo “neck massager”). Ok…now that we got that out of the way…flowers? Really? Not romantic just buy me carmex or tampons from walgreens instead if u r really thinking of me and want to please me….chocolates? Yeah right like u would love me better w a face full of zits and extra “love” full of cellulite on my tights and hips can we be real please? Guys if you want to be romantic just spend an extra minute or two down there til you get a real good moan from your partners now that’s TRUE romance…and if you have to lie and BS to set the mood please do it in the bedroom and not silly worthless “white” lies (I.e. In the middle of the week for no reason you txt the booty call saying you really want to go steady blablabla) there is a time and place for you to abuse the “tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies” and it’s called: in the sack while you about to do it, at this same point we allow you to go all in (not only w members and fingers but also w BS) “I wanna marry you, you are the most beautiful woman, the sexiest, prettiest, best body, Giselle’s got nothing on you blablabla” and girls play along please honesty is cool and funny but not sexy! Learn to act accordantly to every occasion people and be happier ;) (tips from a Brazilian, Italian and now American Blonde South Beach hottie) oh yeah did I mention I’m modest too? Lol x

  3. Stopping by from the Aloha blog hop. Agree with the article but sometimes something like the notebook is very sweet to watch…no expectations though.
    sasha recently posted…A Goodnight’s SleepMy Profile

  4. Laughing at your title! My husband is a pragmatic man, so I find it amusing that he has a streak of romantic in him. :) I am a not-so-pragmatic gal, with not a lot of romantic streak going on…funny stuff since you’d think they’d be the opposite. :)

    Reality is better than Hollywood fantasy any day in my book.
    Rosey recently posted…Travel: ScotlandMy Profile

  5. My boyfriend and I actually went to see the newest Nicholas Sparks movie this week. It started ok, and ended terribly. It was free (thanks Yelp!) so that was the big draw for us.

    I used to be terribly anti-romance, Valentine’s Day, the whole nine. One of my favorite themed dinner parties had an Anti-Valentine’s Day theme. Everyone who walked in was greeted with a pink or red heart that they could decorated with such Hallmark blush inducing slogans as, “I’ll see you in hell. I’ve mellowed some, though I do mute people on fb who are just too damn gushy.

    Newest follower here, feel free to stop by and say hi!
    T. A. Woods recently posted…A My Profile

  6. I think movies have changed our view of romance. The idea of romance was around way before that. I think you are, and I think we all our, but our romance is in different ways, and displayed differently. I think movies have made romance this unrealistic, ridiculous thing. So how’s that for turning this around :) LOL
    Rheanna recently posted…Escape From Planet Earth, Opens Friday the 15th!My Profile

  7. I hate it when ppl post things like that on facebook too- if you’re so in love why do you feel like you have to advertise- I’m sure I’ve done it at some point too though…
    found you via aloha friday- new follower!

  8. Stopping by to say Aloha!
    Christine @ Mama Papa Barn recently posted…#fluffstash Giveaway – Switch to Cloth 3/14 US OnlyMy Profile

  9. Great post. I agree 100%!! I am not romantic either and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I sure as heck don’t need a specific day of the year to shower my man in gifts and express tons of gushy sayings of love. He knows how much he means to me because of the little things we partake in every day.
    Miranda recently posted…Hey Girl, Link Up!My Profile

  10. Well said! I like to think I’m realistic, not romantic. Then again, I write novels with lovey happy endings…
    Chantal recently posted…Sugar Detox… FailMy Profile

  11. I am a romantic but I like to think I’m not blinded by it! Rose colored glasses and romance do not mix!

    And my inner Disney nerd has to say Sleeping Beauty was with Prince Phillip. Prince Eric was the Little Mermaid ;)
    Allie recently posted…At long last, a job!My Profile

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