There are a lot of “blogger” things that I don’t do. I don’t celebrate my blogging anniversary. I’ve never done a giveaway for a milestone of X amount of blog posts published or fans on Facebook. And I pretty much never post stuff for the holidays or recap my year. I’m not your average blogger in the sense that I forget that all of that is stuff people do because it’s just doesn’t matter to me.
I have nearly 1000 blog posts, I have had tons of amazing milestones along the way, but I just don’t think to pay attention to when they are here until they are long gone.
I don’t make New Years resolutions either. I don’t believe in picking one day of the year to change your life. I believe that everyday you wake up is a chance to have a better life. I have lost some people in my life very suddenly. One of them was a girl who I was lucky enough to think of as one of my best friends. You may remember me having blogged about her in the past. I don’t talk of her often because twelve years later, just typing these words is bringing me to tears. Words will never express the pain of being at work and getting the call that, at 18 years old, freshly graduated from high school, someone you not only loved but someone who was so special and amazing was gone in an instant.
I don’t wait until December 31st to say that this is gonna be the year I lose weight, make better choices, or change my life. I make those decisions everyday. Every minute, because you never know if when that minute is over, that chance will be gone forever.
I never got to say goodbye to my friend. I never got to tell her she was beautiful or how lucky I felt to have someone so vibrant and full of life want to spend time with me. She taught me what it was like to not care what others think. She was just her and everyone loved her. I don’t know that she had a single enemy in the world. And twelve years later, I can rarely bring myself to think of her because I will never get to say those things to her.
So, I don’t mark my milestones because I forget to worry about them most of the time. And I don’t make New Years resolutions because everyday you have is a chance to make a better choice, to change your life, and to have the life you wanted.
Last year was a rough one for me. And I did not start of 2014 where I want to be. I want to be walking. No, I want to be RUNNING. I want to have my headphones on and have no one to answer to but the pavement. I want to pretend that the medications didn’t make me gain 30 more pounds. I want to believe that my wrist doesn’t still hurt, that my elbow won’t need surgery and that my whole life didn’t come crashing down when one Sunday morning in November I woke up unable to walk.
But that isn’t what happened. And I can’t change that. But I can continue to move forward. I can continue to make the choices that will lead to better circumstances later. And I can make a choice to wake up everyday and live my life the best that I can. And to wake up everyday knowing that today is the first day of the rest of my life.
I don’t know when it will stop hurting to think of my friend. I don’t know when or if I will ever not miss her. I don’t know if there will be a time when I can look back at losing her and then immediately losing another friend two weeks later without being angry at the universe. But I know she was happy with what she had no matter what. And I know she loved everything about life. And I know she was 18 years old, fresh out of high school and never got the chance to see her life unfold before her beyond that.
So I will live my 2014 the only way I know how. Accepting everyday as a chance to start fresh. And every moment as a chance to make my life what I want it to be. Because if I will never get the chance to say goodbye, to tell her how amazing she was or even jus to see her smile and laugh at something silly again, this is the least I can do for someone who will never get the chance to do anything.