A Very Real Moment

InsomniaI have a hard time sleeping.  I’ve had insomnia for years, and one thing insomnia is good for (or bad for depending on the night) is a reflection of yourself.

I’ve asked the question “Who am I?”  But tonight, it seems to be more of a “Where do I belong and why?”  I feel out of place in this world.  I fill my life with time.  I fill my life with a running schedule, a training schedule, a cleaning schedule, a work schedule, but really, in the in between, I’ve got nothing.  I’m a talker without much worth saying.

I started this blog so many years ago to have a place to spew out my thoughts in the form of word vomit because I had no one in my life to listen.  I am finding that, four years later, my blog may be the only real thing in my life.  It’s the place I can’t wait to share news, that I seek advice and understanding and that I look to to feel like I’m being heard…

But am I?  Maybe.  I don’t really know for sure.

We are all looking for the right fit, whether it be in our workplace, our family, our hobbies, it doesn’t really matter.  Everyone wants to find that comfortable place in life.  I have a blog.  And some days, it seems that I have it purely to feel important.  Because we all want to know that we matter, that somewhere in this world, someone cares what we have to say.  And that is not always an easy thing to find.

So, I have a blog.  A secret blog that less than five people I know in real life know about and even fewer read.  I have a place that I can tell myself I am special, even if no one else knows about it.  It’s a place that I cannot share, no matter what fabulous thing comes from it.  I have “met” some amazing people, who have become people that I consider friends.  And I have begun to realize that this secret place I turn to is the only place I turn to now… And I’m not sure if that means I feel like I’ve have found that place that I fit, or if I’m telling myself that because I have nowhere else…

photo by: Fairy Heart ♥

7 thoughts on “A Very Real Moment

  1. You are an amazing person. You have inspired me to chase after my dream of writing and every time I read another blog I chase harder after it. I just wanted To say that even though it seems at times you are unsure, weather that is because you think that people do not get, see, feel, or understand what it is you are writing about, or that maybe someone said that blogging is stupid. I just want to say thank you for doing it. It allows people to not feel alone, to connect with someone who has been there, like you having 3 dogs, I have totally been there. I look forward to reading them. I look forward to being able to connect with them on a personal level, at time why you write you place us there. So I just want to say thank you for sharing your feelings, thoughts, laughter, and tears, and allowing us to have a safe place to share this with you. Keep it up!

  2. You are an amazing writer and person, you have allowed me to be able to feel your emotion and clearly hear your thoughts, I understand that it is hard to have to be secret, but I believe this also allows us to be free. I love reading everything you write about and sometimes I can truly feel like I am there, like the time you posted about having 3 dogs, wow that is a for sure thing I could feel and see when you wrote that. I was able to connect and feel and see your emotion when you write about your husband and things that are going through your mind. Sometimes people wonder if readers truly hear, see, or even understand what it is they are reading when we write it, but you have absolutely nailed it. You have inspired me to chase my dream, and every time I read another one of your blogs I want to chase it harder. Thank you for allowing us to share in your thoughts, your heartaches, your laughs, and your tears. Thank you for inspiring us to be free in what we feel and think.

  3. You are an amazing person, sometimes it sounds as if you are unsure of who you are what what it is you are trying to do with your blogs, I just want to let you know that I look forward to reading them. You inspire me, you give me a place that allows ans reminds me that we are all human and go through the same things, we are not alone. I feel every emotion you pour into your blogs and it makes me feel like I am there with you. You give me a place to connect with my own emotions a place that is safe to be a le to feel these things. Please keep doing what it is you are doing, you seem like a great person with a lot of heart, you have inspired me to be able to begin to reach my goal with writing. Thank you for Sharing your feelings, thoughts, laughs, and heartaches.

  4. Dear A Girl,
    finding the right fit might be more about finding our passion than finding a group or career we can squeeze ourself into. Introspection is valuable if we are looking for ourselves within rather than trying to fit in to the mold others would like us to fill. Everyone around us has expectations of how we should be. The husband, the family, friends, coworkers …… all have expectations of us that probably have nothing to do with who we are or what we need.

    What do you think a comfortable place in life would feel like? Whatever that feeling is is what you are actually looking for.

    Do you matter? Absolutely! Why can I say this? Because I have seen first hand the difference you make in the lives of others. I see the struggles you overcome with resilience and grace. I see your perseverance in the face of obstacles. I see you struggle to grow and am excited! You see, no one achieves anything worthwhile without struggle. No one! YOU are growing, girl!

    Dream, Struggle, Victory!

    Keep up your writing. It is food for your soul and spirit.
    Chin up, eyes forward and move one step at a time.
    Onward and Upward!

  5. I so have to agree!!! But I did read your FB post aboout something going on and you may not be commentinng for a few days… I wish you all the best!

  6. Woman!!!! You are amazing! Your words are amazing and you inspire so many people with your writings. I wish I had the same writing style and way to present my knowledge as you do throughout the militaryso community. I read so many of your posts and words here and on the other sites and love it all! Yes I need to comment more though!!! You reach more people than you think!

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