Cruel Irony

Irony The definition of irony is one that tends to be lost on a lot of people.  And no, Alanis Morissette’s song doesn’t have a single true example of irony in it.  But what can be ironic are the odd twists of fate that might plague a single person’s life.  Let’s look at my life for example (who else was I going to pick? Really now.) and I will give you a few shinning examples of twists of fate that border on ironic.

Really, there is just one recurring twist.  It’s the painful twist that I have held a variety of careers in my life and have excelled at many of them.  The twist comes in when I excel so readily, but learn that I don’t actually want to do it for a living.  The cruelty in that being that it sucks to be amazing at something that you wake up everyday and wish you didn’t do for a living.

I was a massage therapist for a number of years, had booked solid appointments and never had room to take new clients.  Yet I woke up everyday wishing I didn’t have to go to work.  I then returned to customer service work and worked in management type rolls.  Again, I excelled, was promised promotions that one could only dream of getting told they would have at AN INTERVIEW for an entry level position and yet found that my co-workers were lucky that I never went postal on them.

The reality is that being great at something doesn’t mean you love it.  You can be amazing and hold no passion for it at all.  And my life is a series of examples of just that.  Career after career where I have excelled, yet held no love for what I did.

My latest career path is no different.  Which really sucks.  I like it.  I don’t mind doing it, but have no real passion for it.  Not to say that I don’t like going to work everyday, but I’m finding that as the years pass, I am having a harder time giving all of my devotion to a job that I don’t want to do for the next twenty years.

Which means that I have to face a group of amazing co-workers on a daily basis who have a true passion for their job and know that I can never be their equal.  While they praise my abilities and knowledge, they will ALWAYS be better than me for the simple fact that they carry a fierce passion in their hearts that I don’t.

And while I have been exploring options, I still do not know where to go in my life.  Do I follow a path that I have passion for, but can never make any money doing?  Do I pursue school again for something I really enjoy in the hope that I do not end up in the same place I am now: a degree-holding employee who doesn’t love what she does?

I hate being good at something that I don’t care about. And even more so when I thought I would really like it.  And it’s a cruel irony of life to continue to excel at things I don’t love, but be unable to make much of a living doing the one thing I do.