Deployment Series: Do I Stay or Do I Go?

I’m Jane and I blog over at Taingamala. Taingamala is a made up word my husband and I use with each other replacing ‘I Love You’. I’m a newlywed, Etsy shop owner, Army wife blogging about life one duty station to the next, making military housing a home, crafts, recipes and more!
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*Jane’s blog has since moved and changed names

Do I stay or do I go?
That was one of the biggest questions when my husband was set to deploy. Should I stay in our Hawaiian home? Or should I go back and live with the support of family? 
Staying meant building up a home while he was gone and having that stability for him to come home to. I felt like it was supporting his career choice, that I was tough enough to get through this. I am a strong, independent woman. I could jump start our lives in this duty station. Plus, staying in Hawaii doesn’t sound half bad, right? It also would mean being alone.
Going to stay with family meant having support while he was gone. We had gotten married only a few short months before, I didn’t have any friends, and the wives in the company I did know, were all leaving Hawaii for the deployment. Plus, living with family would give us a little more room to save money which doesn’t sound half bad, right? It also would mean going back and living in someone else’s home. Something I never thought I would do as an adult.
Strong pros and cons to both. Ultimately, I decided to stay. I loved our home, I didn’t want to lose it. I thought it was important for me to feel established in our home as a married couple and not a single woman. There were good and bad outcomes from this decision. I think I grew as a person, relying on myself and I now know that I can do it. On the other hand, it wasn’t always easy. There were a lot of points where I struggled and not having the same level of support I would have from family made it harder. 
Now, our priorities have changed and next deployment, I think we’ll switch things up and I may go live with family. The financial pros of saving money paying rent for a room instead of a house, are what appeals to us now.
In the end, whether you choose to stay or go there are great points and drawbacks to both. I think after trying both, we will know what works best for us as a couple.
What did/will you choose?

Nine3Oh Photography


Be sure to check out the other posts in this series!  You can view them under the Deployment Series tab, or by clicking HERE

About A Girl

A Girl is a 20 something blogger who began blogging in 2008 as a means of coping with a deployment. She is a Veterinary Technician by trade and loves her work in Emergency and Critical Care. She is married to a 11 year veteran of the USMC reserves, whom she meet shortly after he returned from a deployment. They have been married for four years, have three, very bratty dogs, and are currently trying to muddle through the aftermath of a difficult deployment for both.

6 thoughts on “Deployment Series: Do I Stay or Do I Go?

  1. I stayed at our home during my husband's 12-month deployment. Our situation is a little different because he's National Guard, so we're not on or near a base but still 500+ miles from our families. At times it was hard, but I liked staying where we lived. I stayed close with friends, kept my routines, and made new goals and hobbies to keep my busy that year. I'm so glad I did it this way… I can't imagine having to readjust to him coming back home and moving across states all at the same time. Now that we have a little boy, we will definitely stay put for the next deployment.

  2. I would always stay where we are stationed. I would fly back home just to visit but I want to keep life for my daughter as normal as possible, especially since she is now in school. Yeah its hard when they are gone, but thats our life..

  3. I was in pretty much the same situation as you, Jane, when my husband deployed. We'd only been on island for two whole months when he left. We didn't really have the money for me to fly back and live with family, although we probably could have made it happen. I couldn't see myself going back to live with family, though. I definitely would not have gone to live with my parents and choosing my in-laws would have definitely made my parents mad. Plus, I had just unpacked our entire house in an effort to make our house a home before he deployed. Packing it all up again just felt like too much. So, I stayed. It was VERY hard, but I think it was well worth it.

    Now that I've done it, I would make the same choice again. Too many wives from this company left the island during the deployment. Even wives whose husbands were in leadership positions left because they “couldn't handle it.” I suppose every one is different and capable of different things, but to me it feels sort of like a cop-out to move back in with family during a deployment. Unless you absolutely need help and can NOT live on your own at all.

  4. I had that dilemma when Kyle deployed as well. I ultimately decided to stay, it was the best for and my sanity. I was in my space but I still could go visit family on my terms.

  5. I think if going home were an option we would go home. but it isn't. I don't know my inlaws well enough to shack up with them and my mom and i have a nonexistent relationship. I made a commitment to my husband when I said “i do” and he's my family now. Me and him, through thick and thin. Going home isn't an option. Home is wherever the air force sends us at this point. So when he deploys this next time I will stay wherever it is he leaves me at. Overseas or in the US.

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