Funny Deployment Stories: Misadventures in Deployment

deploymentstoriesbutton1 You all may remember my Deployment Series in which a number of lovely ladies shared their deployment experiences and their tips to survive.  But deployments aren’t always all bad.  Sometimes there are some pretty funny things that happen and I’m happy to share with you a few stories that show the funny side of deployments.  If you have a funny deployment story you’d like to share, please email me!  I’d love to highlight your story!

I’m Mrs. Duh (a.k.a. Whitney) from The Misadventures of Mrs. Duh. I’m a thirty-something Air Force Wife, graduate student, mother to two fur-children, novice Crossfitter, Paleo-eater, work-at-home gal who is trying to navigate life in the military! I’m a little odd, clumsy, and rarely do anything with grace and poise (although Lord knows I try). I have a pretty awesome life, but it’s definitely been a series of hilarious misadventures.

 Since becoming involved with my Airman, I have made it through two deployments so far. I’d like to think that I did my best to thrive (not just survive) through those deployments, but it just wouldn’t be my life if I wasn’t met with a number of ridiculous/hilarious-in-hindsight situations. Here is a little highlight reel of some of my not-so-chic deployment moments: 
- I had never mowed a lawn in my life, because my mother never let me touch a lawn mower (she said I would “cut my feet off”… thanks, Mom). Mr. Duh is a couple days out from deployment and says to me, “Oh, yeah. You need to make sure to keep up on the lawn.” So, he gives me a thirty second talk on how to run the mower. Prime it; pull the thingy, grasp the handle and push. Simple, right? Yeah… not so much. 
Mr. Duh had been gone for one week when it came time to mow the lawn. One thing Mr. Duh forgot to tell me was that the mower didn’t need priming each time you start it. I ended up with a sore arm, a flooded mower, and was a pile of tears on my front lawn cursing to myself. My neighbor must have heard the profanity and sobs, because he came out and helped me finish the lawn. It was nice of him to mask his laughter at my running mascara and weak mowing skills… I haven’t mowed a lawn since my husband got home from that deployment. Next time… I’m paying for a mowing service. 
 - Over the course of one deployment summer, I started noticing a lot of bees near our back door. I’m petrified of bees, so I hoped it was just a strange bee migration next to my back porch that would soon dissipate.  After a week or so, the bees got worse. One evening, after a cocktail or two, I was feeling brave/boozey and decided to investigate. I opened our grill to find a big ol’ wasp nest (EEK!) that had developed inside. After I screamed and hopped around scared for a few minutes, I filled a Super-Soaker full of water and dish soap, put on a coat and gloves, and was determined to conquer the wasps.
After hosing down the grill for twenty minutes, I grabbed some tongs from the kitchen, grabbed the nest, and ran (while shrieking like a child) to our garbage can. I believe I celebrated my success with a victory lap around the yard, and another cocktail. The next week, I noticed another wasp nest in our mailbox… I basically repeated the whole ordeal, but this time it was in the front yard for the whole the neighborhood could see. Good times. 
- One of Mr. Duh’s coworkers came by to check in on me about four months into the deployment. He asked when the last time I changed the furnace filter was. I replied, “Furnaces have filters?” He laughed, shook his head… I owned a home and was 27 years-old. How did I ever get by for that long?
- I can’t drive a stick shift, so Mr. Duh’s Jeep sat in our garage completely untouched for almost the entire deployment. Surprise, surprise… it wouldn’t start when I tried to get it ready to use again. I had to ask a neighbor I barely knew to help me push my husband’s car out of the garage and give it a jump. 
 -My dog, Ozzie, got a scratch on one of his corneas that required me to rub cream on his eyeball twice a day. No problem, right? Again, not so much. I had to wrangle the little monster, hold him still, put cream on my finger, pry his little eyelids open, and rub cream on his eyeball. The first time, it took me 45 minutes. “This is impossible with just one person!!” Later that night, Ozzie proceeded to poop on our bed. I cried, I laughed, I cursed the dog, I cursed the vet, I cursed the Air Force… Eventually, I got better at the whole thing, and so did Ozzie’s eye.
I lived alone for a long time before I was married, and I always thought I was so independent and had everything on “lockdown”. My husband is leaving? No problem. Problems with the house, car, dogs, etc.? I got this. It was a rude-awakening when he left… I don’t really “got this”. This home normally runs with two people, and now it’s just me. 
All the times I nagged him, telling him that he just “doesn’t do enough around here.” All the times I thought, “I’m the only one taking care of this place.” Deployments made me realize how much I had taken my husband for granted. I knew I’d miss the hugs, kisses, and companionship, but I didn’t realize how much I truly depended on him for so many things. I’m so blessed to have a husband who does so much and takes such good care of me, our dogs, and our home. It’s a shame he had to go away for me to recognize that.

About A Girl

A Girl is a 20 something blogger who began blogging in 2008 as a means of coping with a deployment. She is a Veterinary Technician by trade and loves her work in Emergency and Critical Care. She is married to a 11 year veteran of the USMC reserves, whom she meet shortly after he returned from a deployment. They have been married for four years, have three, very bratty dogs, and are currently trying to muddle through the aftermath of a difficult deployment for both.

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